Frank Burns vs. Rick Santorum

You might have heard that Rick Santorum almost won the Iowa caucuses. This man is a paragon of Christian conservatism – that is to say he’s a racist, homophobic, Islamophobic hypocrite. So, in honour of that, I present a little quiz:


The rules are simple: read the quote and decide who said it: M*A*S*H‘s Major Frank Burns, or Philadelphia’s ex-Senator Rick Santorum!

1. Anyone who needs psychiatry is sick in the head.

2. My feeling is, well, if it’s my money, I have a right to judge.

3. I am only paranoid because everyone is against me.

4. Spontaneity has its time and its place.

5. Every society in the history of man has upheld the institution of marriage as a bond between a man and a woman.

6. It’s the way these devils think. It’s burned into their brains. Kill Americans, kill, kill. They don’t respect human life the way we do. I’d like to take him out and shoot him.

7. You can say I’m a hater. But I would argue I’m a lover.

8. I don’t see why the American taxpayer has to pay for a wedding between these two pagans.

9. Courage is something you shouldn’t be afraid to have.

10. Suffering, if you’re a Christian, suffering is a part of life. And it’s not a bad thing, it is an essential thing in life.

Maybe it’s not the hardest quiz ever, but I think it puts an interesting juxtaposition on a serious US Presidential candidate and a beloved buffoon. Leave your guesses in the comments!

Thanks to Joe McKen for the graphic!

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